Hello my dears,

Most of you will have probably forgotten me by now, but I felt like I owed you all an explanation for my lack of involvement with this blog as of late. There are two reasons for me having not posted anything recently (for the last six months, really) and being very slow with email replies (I’m so sorry about that): firstly, I can barely make myself think about eating disorders now — I’ve just completely moved on, I guess — and secondly, I’ve been very, very busy with school lately. I hope that’s okay.

I do think about you all a lot, though, and I always, always read the things you send / email me. Always. It’s just that eating disorders really feel irrelevant to my life now, and all I want is to leave them behind, completely — I hope you will all understand that. Someday, I hope you all get to this point, too — when you’re honestly just bored to death of eating disorders. It really does feel liberating.

I’ll be tidying this blog up over the next couple of weeks to really organise all the writing I’ve done for it since mid-2012, so that you all will always have somewhere to go and something to read if things ever get tough, even when I’m long gone (from Tumblr). For now, though, I hope the resources page and the FAQ page can help you.

All my love, and best wishes —
Kate / kelixir

You must make a decision that you are going to move on. It won’t happen automatically. You will have to rise up and say, I don’t care how hard this is, I don’t care how disappointed I am, I’m not going to let this get the best of me, I’m moving on with my life.

(via sophroscene)

sophroscene: healthy pancake: banana, kale, and egg white just mash them up and ta-da!!!!! lololol just kidding, this is a 100% regular pancake, with butter, flour and everything else that makes a pancake a pancake! adorned with strawberries and of course accompanied with a lovely cup of coffee this is what breakfast is about, also a reminder that there is no “right” or “wrong” way to eat or in a greater sense—there is no right or wrong way to recover.
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sophroscene:

healthy pancake: banana, kale, and egg white just mash them up and ta-da!!!!!

lololol just kidding, this is a 100% regular pancake, with butter, flour and everything else that makes a pancake a pancake!

adorned with strawberries and of course accompanied with a lovely cup of coffee

this is what breakfast is about, also a reminder that there is no “right” or “wrong” way to eat or in a greater sense—there is no right or wrong way to recover.

recoverykitty: ✩ Regain Yourself Currently accepting applications - to apply you must have 6 months relatively successful recovery time (looking for progress and a positive outlook) from any mental illness/addiction/behavior and be willing to talk to your followers about it. Your blog should have some recovery based posts. You also must be willing to add a badge/link to your blog to the network. Apply with a bit about your recovery here.  Current Members: Add for awesome recovery on your dash! Mia: 23, female. experience with drug addiction, BED, and bulimia. Natalie: 18, female. experience with EDNOS, BED, depression and anxiety. Jules: 22, female. experience with anorexia & teaches sexuality/health ed. Kaitlyn: 15, female. experience with self-harm, suicidal thoughts, anxiety and disordered eating.. Adriana: 18, female. experience with anorexia, EDNOS, self harm, anxiety and depression. Christianna: 21, female. experience with depression, anxiety, self-harm, and EDNOS. Lindsey: 21, female. experience with drug addiction, depression and anxiety. Jackie: 18, female. Experience with depression, anxiety, phobia, grief, binge eating, and a mood disorder Ellery: 18, female. experience with ptsd, EDs, addiction, depression, and anxiety Stefanie: 17, female. Experience with self harm, anorexia, depression, anxiety, and panic attacks. Mina: 22, female. Experience with anxiety, depression, EDNOS, self harm, and trauma. Tess: 17, female. Experience with depression, anxiety and self harm. Siena:15, female. Experience with anorexia. Maddie: 16, female. Experience with anorexia and depression. Kris: 21, agender (pronouns: Ze/Hir) experience with MDD, GAD, C-PTSD, ENDOS, self harm and suicidal ideation. Sam: 21, female. Experience with alcoholism, anxiety, depression, and bulimia. Laura Emily: 19, female. Experience with bulimia, self harm, anxiety and depression. Valeria: 20, female. Experience with bulimia and self harm.
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recoverykitty:

✩ Regain Yourself

Currently accepting applications - to apply you must have 6 months relatively successful recovery time (looking for progress and a positive outlook) from any mental illness/addiction/behavior and be willing to talk to your followers about it. Your blog should have some recovery based posts. You also must be willing to add a badge/link to your blog to the network. Apply with a bit about your recovery here. 

Current Members: Add for awesome recovery on your dash!

  • Mia: 23, female. experience with drug addiction, BED, and bulimia.
  • Natalie: 18, female. experience with EDNOS, BED, depression and anxiety.
  • Jules: 22, female. experience with anorexia & teaches sexuality/health ed.
  • Kaitlyn: 15, female. experience with self-harm, suicidal thoughts, anxiety and disordered eating..
  • Adriana: 18, female. experience with anorexia, EDNOS, self harm, anxiety and depression.
  • Christianna: 21, female. experience with depression, anxiety, self-harm, and EDNOS.
  • Lindsey: 21, female. experience with drug addiction, depression and anxiety.
  • Jackie: 18, female. Experience with depression, anxiety, phobia, grief, binge eating, and a mood disorder
  • Ellery: 18, female. experience with ptsd, EDs, addiction, depression, and anxiety
  • Stefanie: 17, female. Experience with self harm, anorexia, depression, anxiety, and panic attacks.
  • Mina: 22, female. Experience with anxiety, depression, EDNOS, self harm, and trauma.
  • Tess: 17, female. Experience with depression, anxiety and self harm.
  • Siena:15, female. Experience with anorexia.
  • Maddie: 16, female. Experience with anorexia and depression.
  • Kris: 21, agender (pronouns: Ze/Hir) experience with MDD, GAD, C-PTSD, ENDOS, self harm and suicidal ideation.
  • Sam: 21, female. Experience with alcoholism, anxiety, depression, and bulimia.
  • Laura Emily: 19, female. Experience with bulimia, self harm, anxiety and depression.
  • Valeria: 20, female. Experience with bulimia and self harm.

sophroscene:

Bottom line: don’t revert back to old behaviors to lose weight as if it’s “no big deal,” because inevitably you will have to gain it back, and with that you will also gain back the distorted body image and insecurity that you thought you left behind

thewellofmyself:

It is okay for me to eat. It is okay for me to listen to my body. If I binge, that’s okay too. It’s okay for me to feel full and bloated. Because it will all balance out as I eat more and more consistently. I just need to persevere through this uncomfortable stage. I need to eat to get my life back.

Anonymous ASKED:

I really look up to you and I am just wondering what you do to deal with bad body image days/how you cope?

sophroscene:

Bad body image is something that despite being in recovery and “healthy’ for a few years, I still struggle with immensely.

Some days are okay and I feel somewhat comfortable in my own skin and with looking normal and I can remind myself that normal people don’t look like walking skeletons with bones jutting out. And those times I can appreciate that my body functions as it should and I feel okay.

But other days it’s not that easy and I don’t always feel like I “belong” in this body,and sometimes I still crave the skeletal being that I used to be and sometimes, it’s more than crave it’s like I need that, that that was me, but I try to remind myself (however hard it is) that that was not me. That I was unhealthy and sick and I did not look good and I was dying and I was not born to be a skeleton eating three little trees of broccoli at the end of the day and laying in bed with enough blankets to keep a family warm.

It’s in those times that I like to do the following:

  1. Repeat a few phrases/quotes to myself such as: “I wasn’t born to be a skeleton” and “If nature had intended our skeletons to be visible it would have put them on the outside.” (Those might seem corny, but try repeating them to yourself a few times and you might be surprised at the effect they have).
  2. Have a relaxing day, watch some funny movies, tv shows, read a nice book, go for a walk, think about other things because even though at the time it might not seem like it, there really are so many more important things than the size of your thighs or how you’re feeling at any given moment.
  3. Eat good food, don’t label things as healthy or unhealthy, make yourself a nice home-cooked meal, because even though restricting might seem like a quick fix, if you restrict and then feel “better,” it gives you the false notion that restricting is what will always make it better and that’s not the case and if you follow that it will lead you down a very dark road.
  4. Take selfies. This one might not work for everyone, but for me it helps because it reassures me that the image I see when looking into the mirror isn’t always a reality and sometimes you need tangible evidence to remind yourself of that.
  5. Don’t force yourself to do anything you don’t want to do or that you know will make you feel worse. If you’re having a horrible day and your friends are asking you to go out, a lot of people might recommend you force yourself to go, but I lean more towards letting yourself stay home and relax. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to take a day off for yourself until you’re feeling up to going out. You shouldn’t ever feel like you need to force yourself to do anything.
  6. Listen to some ~inspirational~ slam poetry- this one is probably my favorite and always makes me feel better. I recommend Andrea Gibson and Sara Kay. These ones are some of my favorites- X, X, X.

Try to just relax and remind yourself that this is just one day out of many more that you will have and that this day will pass and another will come and your feelings will pass as well.

You are a whole being soul and mind and you are comprised of so much more than your body and your appearance is not worth berating yourself over.

I hope these helped even if only a bit, take care xx.

sophroscene:

Keeping this as a reference for every time I want to use behaviors: 

  • I will get nothing positive out of restricting, binging, or purging.
  • None of my problems will be solved, in fact they will likely be magnified because of the self-hate that I feel from falling into the same old trap.
  • No matter how many times I say “it will be different this time”, it will NOT be, if I continue to go back to the same things that I KNOW don’t work.
  • Using the same behavior today that I used the previous day will result in the same outcome and I have to believe that and not let myself be convinced otherwise.
  • Same behavior = Same results— That is a fact.
  • I refuse to let myself use the excuse of “I will start tomorrow”, because that will get pushed to the next day, and the next and pretty soon I will have wasted an entire year.
  • And the concept of wasting my life to this is much scarier than dealing with any problem I face in my life currently.
  • I can, and will break the vicious cycle by dealing with the issues in my life as they arise rather than avoiding them and allowing more to resurface.
  • I am healing, I am learning, and I am growing and I deserve to to let myself solve my problems in a healthy way.
  • I will become the person I want to be because I am stronger than I believe and I will prove that to myself.
  • And I will remember that- "I am learning every day to allow the space between where I am and where I want to be to inspire me and not terrify me."
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We received this question via FanMail, and I thought that it was something that numerious people can relate to: 

—-

Hello:) How can I not feel guilty to eat more than I should? I’m not in recovery I’m not diagnosed with ED but I follow your blog because the posts really help me cope more and makes me feel a lot better about eating. However when I binge I feel such a rush of sickness through me and guilt is followed for many hours. I exercise it off most of the time or I’d restrict. I never threw up to get rid of the food I was too scared. I hated the feeling of puking. And I was paranoid about teeth getting yellow and my esophagus tearing (I know I think too much lol). So what can I do to not feel as bad for eating? Also, what can I do after a binge? I feel horrible!

Sitting with uncomfortable feelings (both mental and physical) after bingeing is SO difficult, I won’t deny that for a second. However, over exercising or restricting will only make these feelings worse because compensatory behaviors will keep you stuck in the cycle. You said that you’re not diagnosed with an ED, however it sounds like you’re still struggling with some really difficult eating-relates issues. The best thing that I can suggest is to eat regularly throughout the day — three meals and snacks. Never go more than four hours (although personally I don’t let myself go more than two hours) without eating. Restricting your intake is what leads to bingeing. Your body needs the food, so technically what you’re experiencing is not bingeing, but rather it’s reactive eating. Your body is reacting to being in starvation mode; it’s begging you for food. Consistently eating 2500-3000+ calories a day will help to regulate the periods of over eating. I know it’s really hard, and for a while it’s not going to feel good, but I promise you that it’s worth it. In the meantime, after a binge I would do something self soothing, A bubble bath, painting your nails, taking a light walk. You do not need to punish yourself for fulfilling the basic human need to eat. 

I wish you the very best, and I hope that this was somewhat helpful to you, even if it’s not what you likely wanted to hear. 

-Andrea